Now don't get me wrong, I've had a beautiful and wonderful life raising my boys and serving alongside my husband in various roles in our church, etc. But this is different, I wish I was living this free when my kids were younger... they even see it now, they recognize the changes God is making in my life to be bold and wild for Him. God granted me a glimpse of this recently, on my birthday actually. My youngest son prayed over our lunch and this sweet phrase settled into my heart, he said "God, thank You for my mom and the amazing life she lives serving You"...what a gift...I think as mothers and wives that we think we really can't live out our calling because we will sacrifice our families. The best thing we can do for our families is to live surrendered, sold out lives for Jesus. It is contagious, people! And if we would just let God have control, risk our comfort zones or looking like a fool, step out in faith then God will show who He is. Because...this life isn't about us. Oh how we try and make it be but no matter how hard we try, it just isn't and it never will be.
Jennie states in "Nothing to Prove" - Last night I sat with a friend who is wrestling through the tension of the call on her life and what people will think if she risks it and obeys. And her fear is that she would appear self-promoting. Oh, I get that! That was mine too. So I did nothing. As if what God was calling us to had anything to do with us. As if our reputation mattered enough to sit on our gifts, training, and dreams that could actually help people and make God known to this world. Like Moses, we begin to believe that since we are not adequate, then we shouldn't do what God has called us to. And we limit the work of God through us because we think it is all about us, our abilities, our resources. But it is never about us. It is always about hungry people in bondage whom God wants to set free.
And He wants to use us to do it! He wants to use us in His great story! Let me tell you a story...when I finally caved and said "Yes, God, anything You want me to do"...and meant it...things started to happen. He began developing the gifts He had given me, He equipped me with more gifts to accomplish what He wanted to do with me, and most importantly changed my heart to use these gifts where He wanted to use them...for His Glory, for His renown! This isn't about me, remember? I tried to shy away from any recognition and put things off because I really did not want any of it to be about me. Translation here...I did not care about this whole recording a CD business, I was content leading worship in prisons and at my church. And God had to remind me...this is part of your anything, Christy. So I said, ok...but I need original songs (still making excuses, trying to make it about me). So, He made me a songwriter...He pulled things out of me I never knew were there and even sometimes when I hear my song lyrics, written from His Word, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with who He is and that He would allow lil ol me to be part of His great story in such a remarkable way. And He put an urgency in my heart to keep going, to finish...I would see men in prison come to the altar during my songs, others would ask me if I had a CD they could listen to or about a song speaking to their heart and lives. Or a young woman at a service somewhere weeping over "Anything" or "Be Still". So here I am...waiting for His timing on all of it (it's perfect ya know) and anxiously await the next opportunity to show Jesus to those around me or to those I come in contact with. I don't want to waste one more minute of my life wondering "what if"... And in the waiting I will try and not get soul weary trying to do things in my own strength, on my own terms but trust this miraculous God that wants to use me.
We get to trade striving for rest. We get to trade striving for confidence - not confidence in ourselves but in the power of a sturdy, heroic God, eager to rescue. - JA (Nothing to Prove)
"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." 1 Corinthians 7:17
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