Striving After Wind

I've been feeling discontent lately, for a while, off and on.  I'm sure most of you have felt that same way, feeling like you're not really doing what God has called you to do or asking Him "what is Your will for me, Lord?"  In March I was struggling with busyness and removing some of those obstacles and purposefully trying to listen to God and just simply being still has enabled me to hear from Him...even just a tiny glimpse.  I've been struggling with my toil, doing the day to day things when I know there are lost people out there that need Jesus, that there is more to life than just simply existing.  I know I am a child of the King, that I serve a risen Savior, that I was made to worship and adore Him but then life creeps in...and we forget about carrying our cross daily, dying to self, and telling everyone we meet about our Redeemer.  I've felt ashamed for wasting my time watching tv, shopping, especially buying something that I don't even need.  I began this book and Bible study entitled "Anything" and God is revealing some awesome things to me and not just in His word and through this book, my Pastor preached on what I've been studying, using the same scriptures; it took my breath away today.  I am in awe of my God and His willingness to draw me closer to Him, to reveal Himself to me and to use my weaknesses for His glory.

I have been passive.  Just doing my duty, serving in my church, singing because God gave me a good voice, working, taking care of my family.  But I want to do anything.  Whatever God wants of me.  And I want to do anything all the time.  Because you know how we are...we get on fire one day and the next it's simply ashes...we forget how we felt in that moment when God was trying to draw us in, to make us more like Himself. 

Let me share a couple excerpts from "Anything" by Jennie Allen.

Why have I loved people more than Him?  Why have I sat on every gift He had given me to make Him known?  Because I cared more about being judged by everyone else but Him?

I want to get to heaven out of breath, having willingly done anything that you-God of the universe-ask...anything.

Both of these are true for me, I have loved people more, I have sat on the gifts He has given me, using them only half-hazardly, I have cared more about what other people think of me than Him.  And I want to get to heaven out of breath having done everything He has ever asked me to do. 

Okay, Lord, we can sell everything and go across the world...if that's what You ask.  Okay, Lord, we can become foster parents...if that's what You ask.  Okay, Lord, I can treat my boss with more respect, I can honor my husband, I can have a better attitude about where you've placed me in this moment.  He may not call me to Africa, He may not call me to be a foster parent.  Whatever you want, God.

I don't think it's so much about what the thing is that you have to give up....it's the willingness to give it...surrender, nothing will change until you do.  Once you've surrendered it, it no longer has a hold on you, He will set you free from feeling like you have to live, act, have certain things and ways. 

One more from Jennie Allen - So we live more afraid of losing what we love here than of facing God in eternity, even when it all is striving after the wind, to paraphrase Solomon (Eccl. 1:14)

"I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind."  Ecclesiastes 1:14 ESV




P.S. My dear friend, Catherine, I get it now, this whole study has brought back all the things you were teaching in your Ecclesiastes Bible Study and how passionate you were about it.  Simply amazing.