Diary of a Wimpy Mom

This is a "diary" of the last five days Thursday through Monday.  I am strong, right?  I usually talk to myself like I am, I think I am, but I feel weak today.

On March 17th, 2011 my oldest son went to school perfectly healthy.

He came home like this...

I got a call from one of Christian's teachers around 9:30 am, Christian and another boy were horsing around, the other boy put Christian in a chokehold and stated he was going to "choke him out", Christian said something like "yeah, whatever", not thinking he was serious or that he would really hurt him.  The boy kept choking him, Christian started turning purple, other kids were telling him to stop but he didn't...rendering Christian unconscious.  The boy then just let go and dropped Christian to the floor.  The impact Christian's face made with the floor resulted in three or four fractures around his left eye.  Christian also had some marks on his neck from the choke hold and a mark across his nose which is still kind of a mystery.

James picked him up from school not realizing how severe the injuries were, he immediately called me and told me to come there now!  He said he wanted to go straight to the sheriff's department but I asked him to please just take him to the clinic.  I had been feeling a gamut of emotions; anger, fear, the whys, mostly a question for the young man who did this to my son.  Why would you do this to him? Why would you hurt Christian, of all people?  He cares about you, he prays for you, he has knelt down beside you and prayed with you...

If it would have been someone else that hurt Christian I probably would have wanted revenge...I love this boy, he used to be part of our youth group, he's been on a mission trip with us, he's been in our home.  I want to give him grace.  Then I look at my son...he is permanently changed.

Our family dr at the clinic sent him to the hospital to have a CT and facial x-rays.  he saw another dr that gave us some frightening news.  Three or four fractures around the eye and the bones had moved/shifted about 2mm and he may possibly need surgery (we won't know til the swelling goes down).  The best case senario is that no surgery is needed.  If he needs surgery and doesn't have it his eye could sink down into his eye socket, if he has to have surgery, a common side effect is a permant droopy lower eye lid.  They would put plates around his eye and the surgery would need to be done right away.  Fortunately, his eye seems to be okay sight wise, he can move it well and says he sees fine.

Christian is so gracious, he holds no ill-will toward his friend.

Forgiveness, I can forgive this boy.  I was thinking sure, unless my son comes out of this too damaged, then God immediately reminded me that He doesn't have conditions on forgiveness.  And I can't either.

The next morning James and I sat down with the High School Principals.  We wanted to offer grace, we didn't want this to be a turning point for this young man in an unhealthy way.  They thanked us for our graciousness but are very concerned about this incident and the message it sends to the students.  They couldn't tell us his punishment.  A couple of students have made comments to the effect that it's really not that big of a deal.  It makes me want to cry and it made me mad!  Mad because they don't understand the severity of this injury.  Christian saw our family dr again on Friday afternoon.  The dr told us that he has seen baseball bats and baseballs to the eye and this was the worst case he's ever seen.  This could have been deadly.  The dr asked if the boy really knew or understood how serious this injury was.

We want to sit down with this boy, to talk to him, to tell him we love him...soon I hope.  I want to pick him up every Sunday and let him spend the day with us, James says I can't make church a punishment for him, I want him to want to go but I would take him any way.

Saturday - 2 days later

The dr allowed us to take Christian to a youth conference for the weekend (already planned) as long as we were going along.  My pastor preached Saturday night.  I had been concerned about what my poor son's face was going to look like in the future, after the healing is done, etc.  James keeps saying every time he looks at Christian he wants to cry.  Our pastor preached a powerful message and what touched me most was him talking about how life is precious, that God made us and uses us to show His glory.  It really put things into perspective for me, Christian is going to be okay, regardless of how he will look...he is okay.

Fast forward another day, I'm feeling lots of emotions, especially when Christian is hurting or can't hardly eat.  I prayed and cried out to God asking for that peace again and I was overwhelmed by God's amazing grace, how did He do it?  How did He give up His Son to die for us?  What grace!

Monday, I'm still struggling today...I keep picturing Christian gasping, turning purple, and crashing to the floor.  I'm trying to remind myself of God's grace, His mercy and love.  He knows how I'm feeling, He is in control, He already knows...thank you Lord, please keep reminding me because my heart hurts today.  I am envisioning greatness coming out of this, God does that you know...turns our sorrows into amazing things, that's what I need to focus on.  "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28