God's Provision

My beautiful cousin recently blogged about 'Being anxious for nothing'...I have often thought about sharing certain struggles our family has faced and pride has often won out.  We wouldn't want to completely expose our "real" selves, what would people think?  Many times we, as humans, let the idea of what will people think control us.  But when we give in and open up to be vulnerable, God changes us.  When we care more about what He thinks is when we grow and see the amazing things He wants to show us.

It seems we are learning in slow motion what we are supposed to do with what we are given, how to be good stewards of God's provision.  I used to be fearful of God in a very unhealthy way...thinking to myself that if I didn't do this I wouldn't get blessed in this way or that.  Isn't that silly?  God's amazing grace covers this way of thinking, we really don't deserve anything, His love is not conditional on what we do.  A list of rules, dos and don'ts are no way to live in this world.  Being led by the Holy Spirit...letting it guide us, teach us, and actually listening to it makes all the difference in what we do.  Obedience has become a real thing to me, I am not called to be perfect, just obedient...of course, I fail but I realize its importance and embrace it.  God does bless us, in so many countless ways and not always in the ways we think.  He blesses our obedience, it could be monetarily but so much more with peace...peace we receive because of the trust we have put in Him, giving Him control and letting that "worry" go.

This past fall we didn't have much work coming in (as in kitchens), it seemed we were always behind and when we did get a job we would have so many bills piling up whatever money we did acquire was sucked up instantly with nothing to spare.  We learned the tithing lesson long ago so I have refused to hold on to our 'first fruits' so we can have what we think is "extra money".  I took a temp job at an insurance company during the summer, it ended in October, she let me work whenever I wanted and gave me a bonus of $100 on my last check there; I substitute taught beginning in August, all of this didn't amount to much by most standards but it helped us get by.  James did get a couple small jobs which we were so thankful for, another credit to our Lord.  James also needed surgery, he had been suffering with a hernia for over two years and by this time, we had one job on the books and the house it was to be ready for wouldn't need them til after the first of the year, so this seemed like an opportune time to schedule his surgery.  Surgery was set for November 12th with 6 weeks recovery time...December 24th.  During this time we attended our first business meeting at our new church, there was a recommendation by the personnel team to hire an additional administrative assistant.  The job was only offering 12 - 15 hours of work per week but I thought - it's a start.  The recommendation was approved and I sent in my resume.  I prayed and prayed that if God wanted me to have this job I would get it and if not that I would be okay.  I felt at peace and went to my interview on November 14th, James' birthday and only two days after his surgery; he survived.  At my interview they stated that the job would start at 20 hours per week beginning some time in December and then upon approval of the church become full time.  A few weeks later pass...I got the job.  I started in December, became full time in January and I love, love, love it.  I know God provided this for me and I can't thank Him enough.  James got a small job and big kitchen in December, thank You, Lord!  Meanwhile, we were still behind and just waiting to get caught up, I don't make enough to pay all the bills and we have to install kitchens to get paid.  Just last week I took 8 dollars with me to the grocery store, 6 dollars in ones and the rest change from the jar on my dresser.  It was enough.  I called the mortgage company so they wouldn't threaten with foreclosure...they were gracious and gave us an extension to the 18th of this month.  We filed our taxes a couple days ago, our refund will be direct deposited on the 18th...God's provision.  Why do we ever doubt His provision and care for us, He is trustworthy.  Our pastor has been trying to teach us to be sacrificial in our giving, to put God to the test.

I've often said, even outloud, that if we lost our home and everything we owned...we would be okay.  It's harder to keep that in the forefront of your mind when you're wondering how you are going to get enough gas in the car to make it to work and what you are going to have for dinner when the fridge is so bright and empty, when you pay the electric bill the day before the shut off date.  But God provides, He has always made a way for us, He is always faithful.  My cousin, Jenn, stated that she wouldn't have traded the lessons she and her family learned for job security.  What a statement!  Would we be so bold in desiring to be closer to God then be "comfortable".  It's during those difficult times that He grows us, I guess we just can't see the things He wants us to if we are just living comfortably...and not seeing our need for Him and the plans He has for us.  Another challenge...are we willing to give everything, everything we have.  God may not require that of us but are we willing to give it?  I'm scared that is exactly what He is wanting me to give...I want to be willing Lord, make me willing.  People would think we are crazy if we sold all that we owned, but who cares what people think...I want to be obedient.  Pray for me and my family as we seek and ask what God wants us to give.